The Night Before New Year's by John Gilbert

The Night Before New Year's
John Gilbert c. 1983


'Twas the night before New Years and all through the town,
Every beer joint was open, no seats to be found.

With the sitter instructed that we'd be home late,
I left with my wife on our next New Year's date.

When we got to the party 'twas already rolling,
The jokes and the laughs and the booze was a flowin'.

Joe Spivey was tipsy, the life of the bunch,
And we roared as he fell down face first in the punch.

Then what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a five gallon of some imported beer.

More Highballs, more Daiquiris, more Gin and Vermouth,
Let's pour on the booze till it flows out the roof!

Six days have just passed of the toughest behavior,
Being kind as we worship the birth of our Savior.

Now all are are relieved and they're glad that it's through,
It's time for New Years, give the Devil his due!

Then somebody yells, "Hey, it's time to count down!"
Then it's "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" with a deafening sound.

Then everyone kisses, the party is over,
We're probably the only ones leaving who're sober.

Joe Spivey takes off just as fast as he can,
Just missing a lamp post, a tree, and a van.

The car to my front and the car that's behind,
Both seem to be crossing the white center line.

Now the radio announces Joe Spivy's fine name,
Seems he just killed three kids and a fourth one is maimed.

But don't worry Joe, the drunk laws are slack,
You'll just get a fine and we'll soon get you back.

Now the car to my rear is no longer behind,
He just hit a guardrail, the ditch, and a pine.

Well, we made it home safe but gosh at the sound!
The sirens are wailing all over the town.

And I gladly exclaimed as I turned out the light,
I'll guess we'll be safe till next Saturday night.